Day 21: Darkness

Today marks our Winter solstice, the shortest day of the year. A time where the dark sky holds us longer than the rays and warmth of the sun. A time that guides us to come in and Seek out our own light from within. While also welcoming in the blanket of darkness that stretches out longer than ever from dusk to dawn. A time to feel into what has been waiting for us beyond the edges of where light can touch. A time to be courageous and feel. A time to open up to our shadows and get curious about how we can transform our shames into the power the fuels our will and life.

A time to be.

No darkness.

No light.

The Universe always has so much to teach us.

We just have to be open and slow down enough to witness her synchronicity and lessons.

This season and solstice teaches us to retreat within and pour into all that awaits,

Even if it’s in the dark and we cannot see it.

Know darkness.

Know light.

Our Divine Self needs our human self to have this experience that is our life.

What I have found in my own experience and in the work I do,

We tend to cut ourselves off from the human self/ego self through judgement, comparison, conditions, and running or stuffing away our shadows which ultimately manifests into shame: the intrinsic belief we are bad or wrong.

And when we think we are bad or wrong, like truly believe it whether we have unconsciously or consciously processed this belief fully, it still shows up!

It shows up in our relationships (including the one with yourself), our work, our mindsets, our will, how we own our power and where we give away our power, it shows up in illness and disease, pain and discomfort, it shows up whether we want it to or not.

We disconnect and dissect parts of ourselves to fit into the norm or what we think we have to be - the illusions we live and tell ourselves and each other.

And it results in shaming.

And shadows.

Ego running the shot.

Participating in the harm.

And staying separated: in Self and in Union with all.

And it all begins with forgotten truth:

We are human and there will be errors.

We are here to learn lessons.

And in the lesson learning,

We are going to get something’s terribly wrong.

Like more than once.

Many, many, many times!

We are gonna fail.

We are gonna fall!

We are gonna fuck it up - like a lot!!

a lot a lot!

But the good news:

It’s all OK! Because it's why we are here.

To get messy.

To be real.

To light up the illusions.

Which means we have to enter the dark.

We gotta be okay with not being okay!

Which is totally OK!

Because we can learn from our fuck ups - we can own our shortcomings - we can find humility and humor in accepting the fact that we are human and as a human there will be human error: in thought, action, and deed!

And in doing so we stop dividing and denying,

And start to remember:

We are Divine beings having a human experience.

Which requires both the darkness and the light.

We have to feel it all.

And it all has so much to teach us.

And gifts that await from the lessons learned.

I find it to be no accident that these last 48 hours I really have been seeing the human side of me. Parts of me I like to hide or bypass the experience - which is ignorance at its best.

It’s witnessing my own hypocrisy and instead of running from it,

Welcoming it in.

Not judging it.

Asking myself what is this?

And Staying long enough to feel my way through.

I feel like these deep emotions are coming up because I am ready for them. The Universe knows better than me and she sees me moving from my heart - but I cannot flow and go where I need to go until I come in, sit with my own discomfort, and learn the next lesson needed for my Soul and human growth.

When the student is ready the teacher appears

It is time for me to start working with my shadows even deeper.

It is time for me to welcome in the dark.

For there is much to learn,

And I get excited at the idea of kicking this karmic cycle of doubt to the damn curb once and for all!

I am ready.

And I am supported.

and I am grateful.

So I smile.

And thank the Universe for allowing me to feel synced to her Divine timing, rhythm, and flow.

Winter Solstice is upon me. Upon Us.

It is time. I can go in. You can go in. We can go in.

And begin to greet these parts of myself I have shamed out for just doing their thang:

Being human.

The moment we shun or shame the parts of ourselves that we hide, we disconnect and are living the complete opposite of yoga which is to unite, to be whole, to yoke. To live yoga is to be connected to the truth there is no separation and we are all on this journey together. The path of freedom and liberation and justice for all. So if we are separated from ourselves - dissecting the good, the bad, and the ugly, then you better believe it we are doing that to everyone else - creating more judgment and separation.

If we are dissecting the parts of us that are human,

That hold the lesson and the gifts,

We are minimizing our experience and keeping ourselves cut off and confined into spaces and places and thoughts that only pour into the illusions that began this cycle of judgement and fear which leads to the hijacking our humanity - forgetting we are human, forgetting we are here to learn mistakes, forgetting that life is messy and complicated and there is a way through - a way in - a way to wholeness. A way to our Selves. As well as a way to each other.

Stop judging yourself for your humanness.

Stop falling lower and lower into the pits of pity and the predictability of our egos.

Stop feeding the wolf of fear and begin to nourish love.

Radical and resilient love.

The kind of love that invites in the darkness.

With softness and space.

The kind of love that is open to learn and listen to what our darkness has to say.

With curiosity and compassion.

The kind of love that knows wholeness awaits in the welcoming in of all I have been running from, hiding from, harming from. The kind of love that holds no conditions. The kind of love that whispers how can I be of support to you?

This week I have felt the shadow side of myself more than the light.

I have felt my heart speaking in ways I haven't in awhile,

Reminding me I must keep pulling out the residuals of wounds that run deep,

Which requires acknowledging they are there,

And setting aside the space and time to sit with and feel what it is the emotions have to say.

It was by sitting with my grief, depression, anxiety, and becoming informed about trauma that I began to feel aligned and saw the light at the end of the tunnel burning brighter and more brilliantly than I knew it could.

I have found my gifts.

My voice.

Relationships.

Light.

And Love.

I know there is more to be found.

And I must be brave enough to allow it to come,

This darkness that will always exist,

Because I am human.

And I am also Divine.

Just like my mortality,

This darkness cannot last.

A just like my immortality,

My light is always there.

May I find the harmony and the union between both.

So many lessons to learn.

Today I smile trusting and knowing:

Everything is right on time.

These heavy times are here to wake me up, welcome me back, and do the work I came here to do.

So may we find the space tonight and tomorrow and beyond,

To sit with discomfort. To welcome ourselves back in.

To welcome each other back in.

Knowing there is no separation.

And Trusting there is much peace and ease and liberation that awaits.

I am willing.

So much love and so much light,

Keri