Day 2: Gentle Observation

To see myself and not judge myself is a daily practice.

To balance truth (satya) and compassion (ahimsa).

To gently observe the way I move through my life while holding myself accountable to my presence in our world.

And this includes the world in which you cannot see:

My thoughts, my emotions, my focus, my spirit, my Self.

And what I have been noticing is just how out of balance I can be.

Even if it looks like I am standing straight up.

My outside world is a dream - I am truly blessed and open to the flow of my path.

It is the internal world that struggles to maintain harmony.

Especially this time of year.

ugh.

I feel that my struggle in this moment is honoring that which I need in full SELF - even if it pushes against the norm. Seasonal depression is real, I am feeling it, mixed with some grief thanks to nostalgia and anxiety and what I find is there isn't always a lot of spaces where we can be honest about how we are feeling, due to disrupting someone else's discomfort.

We compromise our own comfort to protect someone's comfort - or is that just me…

Or was me.

So if you didn't know,

Please know now:

I don't have it all together!

And that’s A-OK!

Everything is practice.

Which means being intentional with my healing - and intentional with my thriving.

I have to make the space - carve out the time - say no - and trust the message my body feels - and when I do this, I truly feel balanced in all ways and have a cup that overflows with abundant energy. I feel my ground. And I trust my body.

Its a beautiful feeling.

One I never knew I could have.

And if I can feel this,

So can you.

For there is No separation.

Always remember that.

And we are always in process,

That’s important too,

we must remember these truths along this path of growth and healing.

Just a friendly reminder.

Any who…

This is all apart of my new.

Shedding that which has not and does not serve,

And being open to new ways of living my life with purpose.

There will always be a struggle.

There will always be judgement.

I can just choose to respond to it in a different way.

A way that leads to something brand new and aligned to my highest good.

And the measurement is always:

How do i feel? And how will this make me feel?

If there is ease, it is in alignment - trust it, even if it’s uncomfortable.

If there isn’t ease, observe with curiosity - what is this tension telling me? Is there a more harmonious way?

I have found through the struggle just how much wisdom and strength my body holds.

I learned long ago not to trust my natural instincts due to many reasons all aiding to the illusion and illusions we are told. Which aids in my depression, anxiety, traumas, and shame. Shame plays a big role in the lens we see and live life from. Which is deeply rooted in fear and ego whose role is to keep us separated/disconnected in all possible ways - hijacked from our humanity - and in it we lose ourselves yet have to keep on marching to the normalized beat.

When my world got shook, I found I could no longer march to that beat. I have gently observed myself struggling to fit into boxes that were never meant for me in the first place. And as I witnessed that and through this practice and journey of healing, I have remembered I have a choice and I can choose a new way - a way that is authentic and true to me.

And if I can,

You can.

Because…

There is no separation.

I hope whatever you are sitting with right now you know and trust this too shall pass…

and that you are able to view it from a lens of love,

honesty,

compassion,

and truth.

Trust the wisdom you hold.

And know I will be doing the same.

light and love,

Keri