Day 3: Reflections

On Tuesday I have the honor and privilege of sharing space, practice, and truth at TRI-CAP, our Tri-Cities Correctional Adjunct Program facility. I leave every single time feeling so blessed, so humbled, so honored to bear witness to such resilience and courage - it takes bravery to want to change… and in order to change you have to unveil the illusions.

No small task.

To want to reclaim their life, their power, their path.

I love to remind them:

I am doing the same.

And we are all in this together.

We meet, we share our room agreements, and we create the sacred space.

I come in with a plan, but am always open to the needs of the room and feel out what would best serve each soul in front of me.

I tend to begin by reminding them what yoga truly is:

Yoke, union of our mind, our body, and our soul.

The great connection to one’s self.

And that in this connection we begin to remember we are connected to all; there is no separation.

I share truth about the power of our mind and how we can begin to flip the narrative through gentle observation and walking the path of enlightenment (aka the 8 limbed path aka living in Alignment) and how it is a practice. A practice of waking up to who we truly are.

I remind them of their own power and the natural intuition they already hold and remind them of their strengths and how they have endured every storm. They are here. I am here. We are here.

And we ALL have some work to do.

We talk about soul.

And how our Soul is here to learn lessons.

To learn we must make mistakes....

Things will get messy,

Bleak, and uncomfortable.

There will be judgment.

There will be criticism,

But with Ahimsa and the God of our Understanding we ease into the truth:

We can truly rise through any fall.

I also share the complexities of what it means to be alive; nothing is singular.

And in a world of this or that; them or us; right or wrong; too much and not enough; good or bad;

It can be very easy to lose ourselves in the shadow of shame.

But shame cannot live in the light.

So We breathe.

We breath into the edge,

The pain,

The sorrow,

The fear.

And with every breath I witness their edge softening.

And as I see that in them,

I can feel that in me.

We hold depth.

And we hold space for that depth.

And we reflect within holding many truths simultaneously,

but the 2 most important:

I am perfect exactly as I am and I still have work to do.

We see each other.

And in seeing each other I truly believe we begin to see our-self.

Which brings me to my “ah-ha” struggle moment today:

Forgiveness….

How is it so natural for me to respect, honor, and hold compassion for the depth of the people in front of me, yet I lose my own humanness and practice when I reflect on my own past mistakes.

The hypocrisy, Keri Ann Kenney!

How can I see the Soul and forgive the human and not extend that same courtesy to myself?

And I know I am not the only one who has this struggle.

15 women in front of me today shared different stories with the same underlying message:

We extend the cup yet we forget to drink.

What's in the cup?

LOVE, Forgiveness, Acceptance, Compassion, Space, Generosity, Grace…

The goooooood stuff;

The abundant stuff;

The REAL stuff!!!!

And yet here we are just giving it away!

(myself included!)

In fact,

Not to jump ships,

But I gotta tell you what happened to me at the Trauma Training in November.

My dearest and greatest teacher who I love and admire and respect more than I can say,

Totally pissed me off! (insert brace faced grin - don't worry all is well!)

She made me mad when she shared truth and said,

“Keri, you give away your power.”

I tried to play it cool and unaffected but internally I was like…

Say what…

What did she just say…

What does she mean by that…

How so...

Da fuck…

And now I Can laugh.

Because she was and is so very right.

And I knew that by my response.

The trigger,

The reaction,

The felt sensations I had within my body, my mind, my heart are all proof:

I got some work to do and there is mad truth to that statement.

I pour.

I don't drink.

And in this lack, I have created so much from my destruction and traumas.

It gets me curious:

What would be possible if I started to reclaim my power??

What would be possible if I shared the same love and radical compassion with myself??

What if I started to forgive myself???

MAGICK

Divine Magick mixed with miracles and possibility.

And I want to create it.

Which means,

I have to return to myself and pour into me the same beautiful elixir i love to share with all in front of me.

(ahh - exhale!)

I am so grateful Catherine spoke that truth.

(thank you, Teach!)

And the next day we were able to take that conversation and dig deeper together.

She didn't leave me in triggered despair.

She challenged me with love.

And truth.

And self acceptance and sight.

In fact,

She literally asked me:

“Do you see God in the women you work with at TRICAP?”

I said yes, of course I do.

“Do you see God in the women in this room?”

Absolutely I do.

“Do you see God in me?”

Yes.

And then the mic drop,

“Do you see God in you?”

…

Fuck.

She’s right.

And I think that was my response...

“Fuck, you’re right.”

And that’s when I knew I must start reclaiming my own power,

I must drink from the same cup I extend.

And I must see myself with the same lens of love I see others through.

So today, in the space of TRICAP and the soul strength and human depth shining brilliantly in front of me, I not only saw their bravery, but I saw mine.

We are mirrors.

Reflections.

And if we don't like what we see in the mirror across from us,

We may need to do some deep internal investigating.

And in reflecting within and bridging those gaps between our head and our heart and our crown and our toes and our body and our soul,

It will be mirrored outward.

And you may begin to like what you see.

No matter the environment.

No matter the situation.

So, today I thank the Reflections I had the honor of seeing, and in reflecting on what I saw, felt, heard, and lived - i am going to let myself off the hook today for my moments of humanness.

And I am going to keep working toward reclaiming my peace through my own power;

I will keep pouring and I will keep drinking.

I will be witnessing with compassion and I will keep reflecting with compassion.

And my gentle nudge to you,

Is to start noticing what you see.

Inward as well as outward.

And can you see it with a little more love,

A little more forgiveness,

A little more truth???

Can you reflect the same light back to you that you so generously share with me.

I will be doing the same.

We are not alone.

So much light and so much love,

Keri