to Provide. 

As I sit and digest the surrealness of this moment I want to take a pause and say thank you. Sincerely. Genuinely. And wholeheartedly. Thank you. To our Community. Our Warriors. Our People. I have witnessed your strength and grace and genuine desire to serve, support, and care for over these last 5+ years with awe and complete humility. You have all reminded me of the goodness in this world and the gifts awaiting after giant leaps of faith. You have opened me up to face my fears of relationship and worthiness and authenticity - you have reminded me it is safe to be me and shared your light in so many ways and on so many dark days - you are all absolutely incredible - loved and cherished -- and to be here - together with you in the mass destruction of this living moment and seeing yet again all the beautiful and powerful ways in which you rise - shine - and - align - I am humbled. I am honored. And I know without any doubt, together we can move through anything.

I do not take you for granted.

And I keep witnessing in dynamic and divine ways the power we all have as individuals and how the power magnifies when we are aligned in solidarity of serving and supporting our people.

Today, as I spent my 2nd day working alongside my team, my people, my chosen family for our chosen family - in the midst of the sweat and dust and overwhelm, I paused and had this very clear vision in my mind of my dad.

I saw him doing the very same thing we were all doing in that moment.

Tearing down walls.

Sweeping up dust.

Hauling what used to be walls out to the street.

Working tirelessly to make something beautiful out of destruction.

I saw my dad doing what he did for his entire life - hard as F manual labor - to provide for me and my family.

I never really had had that pause or realization - at least not to this degree.

I saw him working so very hard so we could be safe, protected, and have what he never had: Home.

It took me 33 years and in the depths of this disaster to have this very clear vision of my Dad - doing what he did day in and day out from his independence on to the moment where alcoholism, trauma, and deep pain shamed and shadowed his ability to see himself as the amazing and talented and beautiful and hard working man he was - and to me always will be.

I saw him in a way I have never seen him before.

And the same light shown down on me and my chosen family today.

Susan. Cindy. Peggy. Luis. and oh so many more.

I see you and I see me and I see what we are doing and doing together.

All in our own truthful ways.

We are providing for our family.

Which requires effort, endurance, and so much love.

It is in no way glamorous and sure as fuck aint easy.

But it is oh so very very very beautiful.

I share this with you tonight in hopes of reminding you there are always gifts and glimpses of hope and healing hidden in the dark and we see them only when we are ready to see them. I share this with you to remind you we all have our own ways to care and be of service. We all are going through this thing called life together. And as much as it may feel separate and isolated and different from another - we are much more alike and all face our own demons and shadows and shames. We all go through moments that feel deep, dark, and endless in the suffering - and it is together that we can find our way through and to those little sparks of light and remembering:

We are loved and there is so much love within us all and that love can move mountains.

Our heart space is endless.

And it defies gravity and time and dimensions.

It is everything that is real.

And I am grateful - even amongst all the loss, terror, and disbelief - I get to stand in these muddy waters with you - I get to carry on through this life with you. I get to heal and feel and know what is truly real (LOVE) with you.

Thank you.

May we continue to provide,

for ourselves,

and for one another,

however we can,

even if that is one bucket of drywall and breath at a time.

Light and love,