How it all began.

How it all began:

This is how it happened;
This was the start.
All that I had known;
Had broken and fallen apart.

I began to pick up the pieces;
I trusted the guidance in my bones,
That told me oh so softly,
Sweetie, this trust will guide you home.

I began the movement forward;
As slowly as I could go -
Finding the light of opportunity
And holding the lessons from the darkness in my soul.

The horizon forward holding all the hope,
I heard my mama’s whisper saying she only wished she could,
Little did I know I would be the one to do it,
The strength she gave me was enough to know I would.

One pedal stroke, one breath, one Divine sign at a time,
Led me forward - steady eddy - a whole new practice, pace and grind.

This family, this story,
I didn't know that I would find
Such spaciousness and beauty,
A place where I get to be loved & shine.

It started from a breaking,
It began when all was different,
The only normal was the new,
And again and again this discomfort
Somehow some way led me all to you.

So I sit here this morning,
Reminding myself to trust,
All that is breaking,
The pause,
The challenge,
The mistrust.
Maybe oh just maybe,
It's creating what's in front of us.

And if all my prior madness,
Led me to this gift,
Of knowing who it is I am
And what it is I have to give.
I trust that this moment -
The loss, the lonely, the lame
Will be the fuel that moves me forward,
Being okay with nothing ever being the same.

So I set aside my baggage,
My tension, my worry, my fear -
And I take a deep breath inward,
As I remind myself:
I am still right here.

This is how it started.
This is how it all began.
My pain led me my purpose;
And I Will wait patiently & purposefully
as the path is paved and cleared and illuminated
Over and over and over again.




***I write this morning to hold the complexities of this moment. The trust and the fear. The gratitude and the grievances. The awe and the woe. I hold it all and try not to dissect myself apart from what is uncomfortable. Because it is this discomfort that I know will challenge me in complex and compassionate ways to keep evolving - keep going - keeping showing up in my most authentic and aligned ways - this discomfort is the stretching out of what once was into the possibilities of what can be.

And as much as I want to stay in the center of all the goodness that once was - if my life experiences have taught me anything - its impermanence. Aparigraha. Santosha. Letting go and allowing myself to feel contentment in the contents of what is this moment of my life even if I don't necessarily want it or agree to it… it is what it is. And I will only perpetuate my own harm and suffering if I stay stuck in the sadness.

I have learned we must feel what we feel when we feel it - but don't dig your roots into it. Just like the impermanence of life, our emotions are the same. The waves and sensations dynamic in the duration and detriment - they will come - they will go - and at some point the waters will be still again. Breathe. Smile. Moment by moment. That's how we rebuild.

As I was writing this, 3 hawks soared so elegantly and peacefully above my head. Nothing is an accident. This is my sign to seize the moment we are in - all the unknown all the uncertainty all the ways in which I must adjust and let go and let be and let the Divine lead… change is not easy… letting go of the idea that we have any control at all is not easy… yet, I find ease when I look up in the sky and see the hawks soar. I find ease when I sit and allow my voice and truth to be expressed through my finger tips and onto the page for your eyes to see. It has not made any sense and probably will not make any sense as we continue. That's how we know we are awake. We see the confusion. We see the madness. We see how change is the only constant. And we see how we are still here. And we wait… I wait… I trust… my next step will be shown. And so will yours.

We are on the cusp of something brand new. And where there is great transformation, there is great discomfort and a shit ton of mistakes. Smile and know - the mistakes move us forward - the mess moves us forward - the misery moves us forward - the moments we are in move us forward.

Stay strong. Stay soft. And know I am not going anywhere but forward and here.
I love you. I appreciate you. And know it without any attachments: I need you.
We need each other.***

Shanti and infinite love and light,
keri