Going In

Today I am flexing my brave as I share with you my very first labyrinth experience on top of the Blue Mountains of Boone, North Carolina.

I was blessed, honored, and privileged to be a part of the first CTZN WELL Summit this past August. I still seem to be digesting all of my experience as I embraced a magnitude of emotions during those 4 days in the blue-sky mountain tops.

I was challenged in many ways. From deep conversation about white supremacy, social injustice, and the unfortunate fact that not all of us are treated equally and even more gut wrenching – not all of us were intended to be treated equally – to embracing my own biases, safety nets, and traumas and shadows. We bravely and willingly asked to have our own biased blindfolds removed – and dug up our wounds in a way to connect and remind each other:

We are all in this together.

It was challenging.

It was uncomfortable.

It was absolutely what I needed.

I was among Warriors of justice, peace, and understanding. Women I not only respect, admire and love, but women who I strive to be like. I want to show up how they show up – with such confidence, grace and unapologetically speaking, breathing, and creating their truths – it got me pretty pumped up! From Marianne Williamson, to Reverend Angel Kyodo Williams, Sean Corne, Michelle Johnson and the heart of it all, Kerri Kelly – I was surrounded by woman warriors!!! I was intimidated – but also like a sponge just soaking up all their wisdom, words, vibes, and soul felt power. I just kept thinking: I want to be like them! BRAVE – honest – beautiful in every way! I am forever grateful to be in such amazing company and presence.

Deep content.

Beautiful serine landscape.

And a million emotions, thoughts, and sensations swirling and twirling within me.

I was very thankful they gave us time and space to focus on Self-care I hopes to help ease the discomfort of digesting the conversations and sooth out any triggers we might be facing.

Half way through the summit, I was in need of movement and mediation – how wonderful that right in front of me was a Labyrinth!

The Art of Living Retreat has a beautiful labyrinth that was located right outside our meeting room. The first couple days I was there I just observed other’s having their experience within the “maze.” I wasn’t really sure what a Labyrinth is or what it is intended to do. Looking back on my experience I can’t help but smile and laugh that ah-ha laugh now knowing that labyrinths are a way to reflect inward through the Self and reconnect with your center and core essence – it is an opportunity to remember and release before coming back out with the wisdom we hold within but sometimes forget it’s there.

I didn’t know that.

I just stepped in.

Expectation free.

I began by practicing mindfulness. Really being in the present moment.

I felt the earth on the soles of my feet.

I felt the sunlight on my skin.

I allowed myself to really be within my body and gave myself permission to just go with the flow of this experience.

Many things happened to me during my time within the labyrinth – within my Self.

I was taken back to being a little girl and playing outside.

Being in the mud, bike riding, picking up stones and flowers.

Covered in dirt and joy from a day of being outside.

I was home.

Mom in the kitchen cooking dinner.

Windows open.

Laughter and Love.

I could feel the tears before I even knew I was crying.

Release…

I was sitting with my mom outside on our patio – our favorite thing to do together, was to just be together. And there she was. Sitting next to me. Being. Smiling. She was always smiling.

I could feel myself smiling even as the tears continued to come down.

I continued on.
Jolting myself back into the earth.

The sounds of nature.

The sounds of my breath.

The sounds of my life.

I was almost to the center.

My body began to feel heavy.

My knees grew weak.

My inward experience took me to a place in my life I thought I had forgotten.

But here I Was,

Remembering…

That I have shadows.

That I have regret.

That I have great shame.

That I too am only human.

And on my human experience,

I have been flawed.

I have experienced others flaws.

Great contemplation of why and how consumed me.

I just paused.

Here I was within – but I was not alone.

I brought in the God of my understanding.
My source.

And asked for help.

It felt like taking a bandage off a wound I hadn’t seen in quite some time.

I didn’t want to look.

But I also was super curious what was under there.

It was hard to bear witness to the damage – the physical site,

But the fresh air on the wound was almost magical.

I was unraveling my pain. The pain I thought I had to keep within.

Forgotten yet always there.

I was remembering.

And then I remembered:

I can let this go.

Wounds, Shadows, Nature, and Me –

We made it to the center of the labyrinth.

We made it to the center of my Self.

I stayed in the middle for what felt like an eternity. But in reality, probably just a few short minutes.

Feet to earth. Heart to Sky.

And just being there within – looking without.

I remember smiling ( again – just like my mom – she was always smiling!)

I was ready.

I began my way out.

Stepping out I connected with my now.

(again, not knowing this is how Labyrinths work – it just was working!)

Here I am.

In Boone, NC.

Surrounded my thought leaders – change makers – social activists and amazing human beings,

Here I am.

In this body.

Surrounded with opportunity – beauty – and depth.

Here I am.

Being open – letting go of everything I thought would be – and allowing my truth to unfold.

Here.

I.

Am.

I made my way out.

I smiled.

Laughed.

Shook my head in disbelief.

I am blessed.

I am so very blessed.

As I connect more with my story,

I am reminded that everyone I meet also has theirs.

Our depth is what creates our beauty.

Our stories are what create our connection.

And our vulnerability is a way to remember we are all in this together.

I will hold my first experience of moving inward close to my heart and it is now a very real part of me.

I was blown away when I came home and found we have a Labyrinth right here in town – literally 5 minutes away from my home and studio!

I look forward to taking the journey in – especially when I am feeling disconnected or need some time and space to remember the magnitude of my depth – my story – and refuel me with some life!

May we continue to be brave and give ourselves the permission and space needed to let go of the external and connect with our Selves beyond the toughness of our skin.

May we remember our stories. Our history. And know we have the power to write the remaining chapters how we choose.

May we continue to move within and reconnect with the thread of life that flows through us all.

I am looking forward to sharing the opportunity of a Labyrinth meditation with all of you. Whether you decide to join us this Sunday (10/21) or try it out on your own time and convenience – know you are worthy of some time to remember, release, and return as the person you truly are and all you intended to be.

May we bravely let the unfolding of our life begin.

One brave breath and step at a time,

Keri Kenney