Love over Fear

101 days & MLK

Tue, 16 Jan 2024 01:58:16 GMT

this is yoga...

Before I ever stepped on to a yoga mat, I was practicing the core values and virtues of the practice: ahimsa, do no harm, radical compassion and satya, that which is, absolute truth. Before I ever held my body upside down into a downdog or sang aum with all my heart and spirit, I was practicing. I was practicing what it is to love unconditionally, I was practicing forgiveness, I was practicing how to forgive and use the wounds as well as seeing wide and well beyond them. I was practicing showing up in my body with all the dysfunction and dysregulation, with all the depth and divinity, with all the holes and holiness. I was practicing showing up. I was practicing coming forward, full into life with all its hurt and all its hope, with all its harm and all its healing. I was practicing.

The practice of yoga not only saved my life, it gave me life. And all without any declaration or notoriety, no need of boast or brag. It just met and continued meeting me, especially during a time where it was crucial and critical to know there was a way to peace and that I was not alone. All thanks to my suffering and grieving heart, I knew I needed/we needed (and deserve) compassion. All thanks to my traumas and un-truths, I knew I needed/we needed (and deserve) truth. And that was my footing, as well as my pace, compassion partnered sweetly with truth.

A little over a decade later and I have yet to lose that footing and pace. The practice is present in all that I do, especially when I fall short, especially when I forget who I am, especially when the earth shakes, and my heart shatters. I have learned this practice is way bigger than the mat and the movement we do upon it, it is a lived practice, an embodied practice, a way of being within the world and within our own inner experience with steadiness, ease, authenticity and joy. It is a way of honoring our own inner and personal happenings while also holding - as best we can - all the concurrent and collective happenings in the world - big picture and small - with compassion, with truth, with tenderness, with love. Yoga is the practice of coming home to our wholeness and coming home to the wholeness of one another, regardless of any and all differences and distances between. It reminds us of and is the very core to the entire practice: we are one, we are connected, we are the unity. And as long as there is distance and disconnect between, we will know suffering.

And suffering I know… suffering we know.

For the last 101 days we have witnessed inhumane violence in Gaza evolving into genocidal attempts against the Palestinian people as well as the complicity and silence of many who could speak up and out and change things. Today is also the birth and celebration of a brave and yogic man who gave his very life, breath, and body in hopes of us knowing unity, in hopes of us knowing sovereignty, in hopes of us coming home to the heart and spirit of us all, Martin Luther King Jr. A day where we see a tidal wave of quotes all rejoicing in the practice and possibilities of peace and wondering where those sentiments will be tomorrow, and the next day, and the next happening… Today, I sit on my cushion and see all the ways fear wants to limit my view and keep me stirred while this practice wishes me well, steady, clear, and calm. I feel into the integrity these sits have sown way beyond my bones yet into my very being, my very breath.

Today, I look out and seem to see yoga everywhere, yet I wonder with compassionate curiosity are y'all really doing the work within? Are you looking at your patterns? Are you questioning your conditions? Are you healing your wounds? Because my dear yogis and friends, the world needs us - the world needs you and I to be willing and ready to keep shedding the stuff and stories and systems that prevent us from knowing truly who we are - and who we are to one another.

During a time where “yoga” seems to be everywhere: the practice, the poses, the clothes, the props - well, where’s the unity? Where's the love? Where's the political outcry? Where’s the sadness? sorrow? sacrifices being made? where’s the yoga being practiced?

I was on the phone the other day with a comrade in compassion and someone who uses this practice in a way that expands the horizons as well as the opportunity and access to those who most get forgotten, true yoga and a true yoga teacher. She shares this practice in outreach to the youth and outreach to the community to see into the ways all is bound. She sits on a number of boards for non-profits and is the director and creator of her own.

As we spoke on the phone we laughed and sighed together as we named how yoga is everywhere, yet it is so hard to find… we held space over the inner and outer conflicts of what it means to teach, lead, and live yoga… and how more than ever, this world, our people, our communities, our selves, need and deserve this practice. the one that keeps on meeting us as we are exactly where we are at. the one that calls us in and never calls us out. the one that believes in our ability to keep choosing love, to keep staying integral to the light.

Integrity in the very breath and backbone of this practice. To be authentically true and truthfully authentic to the limbs, the light, the peaceful existence that is ultimately each and all our path. I dream of a world and way of being where this flow is the harmony that holds us all, unfortunately for now, the realities of capitalism, elitism, ableism, and i’m certain probably each and every other ism out there show ups in the yoga spaces, shows up in the yoga teachings, shows up in the marketing and media, shows up in the platforms and posts, shows up in the intentions and impacts… it shows up in so many things, ideals, assumptions, and even the very resources of what it is we are sharing and what it is we are intending to actually do.

From the fear of where we will get our funding to the fear of what so-and-so might think, perceive, or say when we stay true to the breath and back bone of our spirit, our humanity, our core. At this time, not everyone is going to be there, not so much to catch us when we fall, but more likely to find us after we leap and remember we can fly… not everyone is ready and willing to sacrifice and see what’s beyond greed and grasp and gain. not all, yet some, are feeling the current stirring in their belly’s and excitement in their soul. we can trust what we feel and now is the time. a critical and crucial time for us all. To remember we have power, to remember we have impact, to remember we can be the ones who create compassionate and honest change - for the well-being of all.

During the conversation with my friend, she shared how she was hoping for some guidance with what to do for her non-profit. With just a couple months away from her annual trip to Ghana, bringing with her girls from the inner city and giving them an opportunity to expand their yoga practice as well as their knowledge of self, ancestry, and roots, she was up against a hard reality and was both clear as well as uncertain in what to do. As part of funding, her non-profit received a sponsorship from a corporation that shared with them directly an intention of being more consciously and racially aware in their practices and that they upheld and celebrated diversity and inclusion. Well, disappointingly enough, they did not live into their language and have been in the spotlight for racist practices and tendencies. She knew she could not and should not take the donations as previously agreed upon and when she went to her board in hopes of automatic and unanimous agreeance, was surprised at how many were encouraging her to reconsider, solely on the issue of the girls receiving the clothing, totally not seeing at all the bigger picture of their racist tendencies, leadership, and beliefs. It was as though all that could be overlooked when it came to the girls receiving the clothing… but, for my friend, she could not stomach the idea and knew it felt wrong, complicit, harmful, to be okay with placing a logo on a life, a child, a brand may not even see of value.

She experienced right there in the moment the presence of fear and uncertainty. If they don’t go with that sponsor and use the clothing they eagerly want to give to the girls, well, where will they get their resources? Unfortunately for any of us who depend on funding and resources from outside sources know that we may have to dilute our values and dim our vision when it comes to receiving funds, resources, and sponsorship's, and first and foremost that really freakin’ stinks and it also may mean we have to sacrifice our values or the very resources we need to do the mission. The truth of the matter is we need support and we need each other - so dream with me and all the yogic practices and practitioners of having that compassionately - no conditions, no strings, no exemptions.

I feel these are the really hard lived experiences that bring about the opportunity for deep and Sacred change. The kind of change this practice is all about and for. I find it oddly strange as well as interesting that right now many of us are in battle against the inner conflict of witnessing the outer world and its workings and our choices, attitudes, and empathy (or lack of) in this now, and that we may need to break some cycles, cut some cords, and release certain relationships to inspire and spark some true and sustainable change.

We are the ones who can change the stories by hearing and feeling and tending to (compassionately and truthfully) the collective cries and calls beginning us to remember our humanity… calling us into action… calling us into care… and it’s in these moments, big and small, where we have to decide if we stay true to the knowing or perpetuate the very thing you and I and we have been practicing to dismantle - the very idea that violence could ever be a solution and that separation could ever be a way. And that’s in the big waves of oppression as well as the inner workings and weaving of brands, biases, businesses, and more.

It’s everywhere.

And so are we.

My girl ended up being firm and transparent in her no for the sponsorship - so ahimsa. And I offered to share support in any and all ways I can. I also encouraged her to look for support from local yoga studios and students and finding ways to keep extending the web and possibilities of what this practice can create - especially unified and together. Both of us sighing and laughing in sweet synchronicity, this is yoga, this is yoga, this is yoga…

May we do all within our truth - and all with the most radical of compassion - to stay integral and intentional to the practice and unity - no matter the sacrifice. May we trust what is possible when love is the lead and union the destiny. May we never give up and never give in.

This is yoga, ya’ll.

and this is love.

and in the spirit of my great love and respect for MLK and all the way’s he practiced and prioritized love, here are some of my favorite quotes that feel oddly on time, needed, necessary, and integral to this moment. May we make him proud.

all my love and hope,

all my compassion and truth,

keri

Quotes from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr:

“our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter.”

“faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

“I have decided to stick with love. hate is too great a burden to bear.”

“the ultimate measure of a man is not when he stands in moments of convenience and comfort, but when he stands at times of challenge and controversy”

“only through an inner spiritual transformation do we gain the strength to fight vigorously the evils of the world in a humble and loving spirit”

Om Mani Padme Hum

Mon, 08 Jan 2024 19:25:22 GMT

Om Mani Padme Hum

This is the mantra of compassion, the melody and vibration of power and peace that gently restores and returns the heart and will back into alignment of true and precious power: love.

I have found myself resting and returning to this mantra in the moments of ease as well as the moments of extraneous efforts. It brings me home to the humanity of my heart and the intelligence that can be felt within every contraction and expansion if I slow down and listen.

om - the very vibration of unity and all that is (mind, body, spirit, collective, past, present, future)

mani - the wish fulfilling jewel, a brilliance within that burns pure of love and light

padme - the very wisdom rising from the murky waters of life, the lotus flower

hum - the very spirit and sound of enlightenment, to see the true nature of reality

This mantra found me this last year during a time where I knew I could only navigate from the courage of my own compassion and the honoring of my own heart’s wisdom and gut’s guidance through trauma, fear, and a whole lot of pain.

I feel that is truly what this mantra is all about.

A melody that can literally move us through darkness, defeat, divide, and great pain.

a teacher and transformer, just like our Mani.

Mani is our almost 3 year old pup who is named after the very light within us all, the manipura chakra. This space is also known as the solar plexus and resides in the softness and strength that is our belly’s, our breaths, our internal power. Energetically, within us all, is a light more brilliant and bright than a thousand suns. This is our Mani. A true reflection and relationship of pure love, authenticity, and light. This chakra and pup are all about knowing our own personal power and is an integral part of our own remembering that we have choice as well as insight, intuition, and wisdom. I feel Mani is here during this season of my life to walk me home, closer and closer into the power and trustings of my own light, might, and magick.

He is a gift.

A precious and powerful gem.

Oh, the light he brings.

And it’s his light that has guided us through trauma and terror and the hard reality of how in the blink of an eye and the wag of tail, so much can change.

October 3rd, 2023, a morning where Mani and i were faced with the obstacles of our home getting a new floor installed and our backyard having trees cut down and the entire day to just be and be together… With grand intentions and joyous gratitude of making the most of our morning, Mani and i suited up for an extra long walk on a summer-like-morning and day. Since it was so serene outside and home held loudness and constructive chaos, we stretched our usual mile loop walk beyond the proximities of our norm.

We turned left.

Sometimes I wonder what would have been if we had stayed straight.

We turned left and in a matter of fragmented seconds everything changed. On the other side of the street we turned down was what I would label as Mani’s arch nemesis, aka, “the big white scary dog”. this dog and mani had never crossed true paths before, yet, they knew of one another. Every morning around 9am the “big white scary dog’s” owner would walk by our home and every single time the two, Mani and the BWSD, would act out like they had some unsettled beef. I constantly wondered why she continued to come by our house as there are many other ways, because it was such a scene and so much effort on her end to get her “big white scary dog” moving beyond our property and out of sound and sight. Her dog, roughly 100-120 pounds, big and white (obviously lol), and to me it’s body resembles the shape and structure of a warthog, especially when running straight at you. Her, “big white scary dogs' ' owner, roughly a 70 year old woman, who on the day of our one and only intersection was just 24 hours post cataract surgery.

Divine timing or damn timing?

I guess it’s what you do with the time you have…

Within breaths, within the time it takes for my eyes to see her and her “big white scary dog” she is already on her back and her hands have let go of the leash. Like a force, violently latching on to Mani’s right side of his neck. Cries of terror and pain no ears should have to hear, and no creature should have to create, yet it seems to be the only sound I hear and the only sight I see is Mani in misery and the 3 of us wrestling for life. I am eye to eye with the one who is trying to kill my son, my light, my baby… I did not think. I just instinctively moved. Straddling the warthog. Prying my fingers into the very jaw and teeth that were trying to take Mani's life. What felt like an eternity could have been very seconds - I will never know. I just know there in the middle of a street I gave everything I had to save my boy. Be it miraculous or just the makings of a mama who loves her child, somehow, my hands were able to open the trap of a clenched jaw and teeth and Mani was able to break free and run.

He ran so fast and I, in a fog of adrenaline and fear, could barely lift my legs as I picked my body off the street and ran after the very light of my heart and soul: my boy, my Mani, my son. I was scared where he went and if I would even be able to find him. We were off our usual path. We had never ever gone this way. And he just ran. I did all within my capacity to pick one leg up and the other. All my fuel used up in the attack and getting the BWSD's jaw to open.

My legs felt like jello and I felt so ashamed of how defeat was taking over me like gravity - making it hard to scream and shout for help. We still have a block and 3 turns to go, where was he and where could he be and how the hell is no one helping me and am i going to make it?!? all screaming through my mind so loudly…

Only one person offered us any help. A neighbor I see frequently on his bike just happened to be out enjoying the serene summer-like day, he saw me and made sure to let me know he saw Mani and pointed to our house as he shared he went that way…

Mani ran all the way home. right to our door. amidst the chaos of trees being cut and flooring being gutted out and the pain and confusion of what had just happened and never ever being off his leash in our neighborhood, he made it home. right there on our porch, fearful, yet alive, waiting for me…

We got to the vet quickly. and I am eternally humbled and amazed by the staff and professionals at MAC, our vet, Doc Manley, truly an angel on this earth, and the attention and urgency they offer me and our babies, especially in these moments of high uncertainty and fear of what could be, humbled, amazed, and oh so grateful. They got him into surgery right away and sent me to urgent care.

Mani’s neck.

My hands.

and our whole hearts and nervous systems,

ready for some deep and restorative healing.

I didn’t yet know that would all happen, thanks to the medicine and remedy of surgery, antibiotics, rest, and the communal care we received - thank you - it also was fused with the unified decision to greet this horror and hardship with as much empathy and love as we possibly could and can.

i knew i was going to be bumped up with the decision of what to do about the “big white scary dog”... even in the midst of madness (waiting for news about Mani, inside our house with so much construction happening, outside trees coming down, it was quite a loud and intense day!) there was a clarity in me that knew and still knows, vengeance does not equal justice. If I move from a place of retaliation what good does that do? how can i, even in this moment, move and mend with and from love, not fear?

Om Mani padme hum

As James and I awaited news of Mani, my phone rang with a number from midland. my gut (Mani) told me to answer it. It was Her. the “big white scary dogs” mom. And she was crying. She was apologetic. She was concerned. She was willing to be accountable as well as fearful for what that could mean. She was open and receptive to what it is our heart's and healing would need.

I like to call this, “The conditions”

The ways in which we, together, will heal from this.

as well as ensuring that this event can never happen again.

Through the power of compassion, two dog moms were able to meet in the murky waters of what had happened, and together, found a way to uphold and honor the light. That's the thing about love, it is firm, it is fierce, it is fully present to all that is and holds the infinite healing possibilities of all that can be.

In no way did I want to take her dog’s life from her. I know the hole the loss of an animal can bring and if there’s ways to prevent that, as well as this ever happening again, then please, let us work together.

The non-negotiables in our conditions were that she needed to get a humane muzzle and ensure it is always worn whenever they are out in public. Something I have yet to share and sometimes just don’t settle into as closely as I could, is that Mani could have died. Easily. The Vet shared with me that I saved his life. And that what I did is not the usual. I don't think any other dog would have survived if under the same attack and circumstances of me and Mani. and, if it had been a child, it could have been even more devastating, and i don’t hold that lightly. I forgot about the fighter in me. I forgot about that fierceness. and how I fight for what I love. Our love saved Mani's life. as well as mine. And that fight lives on through the conditions of ensuring we do all we can to not allow this to happen again. I asked that she work with a humane dog trainer, pay for the medical expenses, and in the words of Tom Petty, “don’t come around here no more” and all to which she eagerly agreed.

All this territory is traumatic and new, yet finding a familiar feeling of ease and ground through love. All of this is both the mixings of fear and love, darkness and light, and being aware of how each and every decision can create our very fates and cease or nurture our very lives.

Om mani padme hum

Mani came home that evening and rested as our hearts mourned and prayed how to get through… the very next morning Mani woke up wanting to play - so his manipura spirit and as the days continued and healing and hope transformed us yet anew, i found a card and gift bag sitting on our porch, within it a message of more hope and healing with some toys and treats for Mani. A kind gesture that brought more bounty and astonishment simply by the salutation at the end of the card. The “big white scary dog” has a name and that name is Lotus. Even now as I write that a wide and full smile stretches across my face. Lotus, of all names, happens to be the name of my very adversary, aggressor, and test of apathy or empathy when it comes to my heart as well as my choices, my compass, my gears.

Padme is Sanskrit for lotus.

Padme is the wisdom and beauty that emerges from the murky waters.

Padme is the beauty of life, knowing the darkness to know the light.

Isn't that what happened here?

In all the chaos? In all the crisis?

Was it all just teaching us compassion?

What guided me through the turbulence is whats woven through this mantra,

om mani padme hum.

in the aftermath, trauma still was present, and i found it hard to sit as i ritually do each morning,

om mani padme hum

was my anchor when i felt groundless and my horizon when i felt trapped by the residual fear.

om mani padme hum

something guided me to this mantra and this mantra restored me to ease.

om Mani Padme Hum

all before I even knew the name of our aggressor was Lotus, Padme, I was sitting, singing, praying, and focused on those Sacred syllables and all the healing compassion they contain. It kind of makes me giggle now knowing right there in the middle of all the hurt, we were healing, and finding our way through. Mani and Padme uniting, and the Universe was revealing to me just how powerful we all are.

Receiving this information of Lotus’s name just validated for me the value of honoring my own inner knowing and making choices that in hope could create peace. My ability to leverage the lens of compassion and see beyond the initial impact of our pain and hurt is what cultivates and creates opportunities of unity and healing. And we all have that power.

I knew I would be going against my Spirit, my heart, my own humanity if I had let anger and fear be the deciding voice for Lotus and her fate. I knew there was no amount of compensation that could remedy or repair the damage done. I knew there was nothing I could take from Lotus and her mom that would ever feel like justice to me. The only thing I wanted, and truly ever want, was for each of us to return to peace…

Our story is not singular to us and it is not singular to the context of our happenings. Every day we are confronted with attacks, everyday we are confronted with choices that impact beyond the single thought of i and me, everyday we are given opportunities to love and love one another beyond all the ways in which we may have been hurt and conditioned to hate. Everyday is an opportunity for unity in more ways than we can actually know, understand, or even fully see…

Mani and Padme.

The Jewel and the Lotus.

Together, for the ultimate peace.

We have teachers within us and all through the workings of the world that are offering us insight through the pain, through the horror, through the hardships of what is happening - and not as a place to become complacent or stuck or continue the cycle of violence, yet as the very cultivation of what care is needed and how compassion can catalyze that into being.

Miracles do happen.

but only through the heart.

These times are urgent and beg of us to please slow down long enough to feel beyond the initial stings and panics that keep us static in fear. no amount of vengeance brings peace. no amount of oppression creates liberation. Those roads aren't meant to guide us home, they are meant to divide us further and farther apart.

We are resilient beings (Mani!) and believe it or not, beyond anything we have or have not done, We are Loving beings (lotus) too, compassionate beings, sensitive beings, innovative beings. We have to be willing to see beyond the single lens of ‘woe is me’ and witness how we each and all are woven into the very workings of each and every part of our lives and whether or not we will be well.

The time is now.

The teachers are here.

Can we be the ones who actualize, manifest, and illuminate into being the very lotus, life, and liberation we all are worthy of?

Can we learn from this pain?

Honor its bite?

and Let Love be our only fight, our only weapon?

I feel we can.

and my story reminds me I do.

I chose love over fear.

Forgiveness over vengeance.

and seeing beyond the limits of my own shadows and fear.

and all of these choices continue to create for me more and more peace,

more and more knowing,

more and more ease,

all of which impacting me and impact you...

Lotus lives.

Mani heals.

and conditions were created to ensure this never happens again.

This is our power.

This is our peace.

This can be practiced.

(and I hope we will and do)

The greatest gift and gem from this terrible and terror-filled experience is peace.

and that is truly the only gift, grace, and ground I ever hope to share with you.

sing it with me:

om mani padme hum,

(again and again and again...)

i look forward to where this power leads us.

all my love, fullest faith, and brightest light,

keri

Know Me.

Sun, 20 Aug 2023 20:33:10 GMT

My Friday morning began with awareness of a dream I was having right before awaking. There were roads and water encompassing me on all sides and I was safe and in a space of excitement and beauty as I realized my husband and our dog Mani were right there with me - enjoying this dreamscape and bliss. I remember the roads seemed to weave laterally, bending back and forth as the water around us bubbled like rapids in pure delight. I could feel some other presence was with us, unsure and unclear if it was human, dog, or light, yet very much with us. I asked this entity, who are you? what’s your name? and right before the sound of my alarm could carry me out of this nirvana, i heard and can remember with clarity and continued curiosity… it said, know me, and what my mind had visioned (because that's how my mind works it creates shapes) I saw “nomi” and thought, huh, cool name, nomi, and before I woke, whatever was with me, made sure to tell me, no, it’s know me, k n o w m e and that message came to light with me as I returned back to my bed, room, body, and realization of what had just occurred. What felt like microseconds and moments could have been my entire night. Either way, my mind and heart pulsed with the memory continuing to come to light:

Know me.

whatever that was, whoever that was, said ‘know me’ and I feel it meant knowing the pureness and vastness of Divine and Radiant Light. It feels like Love and Love calling me in. Into the knowing of who I am is purely and surely this abundant and generous loving light. Know me. Know who you are, Keri Ann, so you can know with more certainty, power, and wonder who all are and where this truth of our love is within all bodies, beings, and creation.

Know me.

I carried that with me as my day led me to an appointment that I was really looking forward to, Soul Painting with Katherine Skagg… she has the ability to paint what Spirit/Source shows her is our souls power and essence, and she brings that to life on the portrait as well as shares story, insight, and guidance she is receiving - totally soul food for me as well as a treat yo’ self moment and kind of day - and absolutely grateful! The messages of knowing myself continued and deepened as Katherine shared with me just how much love I am and that it truly is about knowing myself and staying true to myself in this lifetime, being, and body- which ultimately and clearly means staying true to love.

Know me.

She validated the work I have been doing (to the best of my ability) of releasing the old, the limiting, the tricks and traps that keep me from realizing just how powerful and pure the potential and possibilities of remembering who i am is and can be… trusting what I pray for, what I hope for, what I dream of, all of it is already happening… that I am it, with all my humility, humanness and honor, I am the one who can transcend and create the world I seek and sow in hopes of seeing and supporting - one of love, one of unity, one where peace is prioritized, normalized, our constant and our all encompassing. She reminded me of what these last ten years have taught me and the ways I’ve used my pain, anger, ignorance, and sorrow in the direction of mending my heart, knowing my Spirit, and creating my own refrain.

Know me.

In this knowing, in this reclaiming, it is nothing without you. Without you knowing with absolute certainty that you, too, are pure and potent Love itself. That you, too, are encouraged to know thyself - love thyself - BE THYSELF - and create the avenues, opportunities, and access for all who are also on this journey of remembering, reclaiming, and becoming their Divine beacon of sanctuary. I am finding every time I do this work of “knowing me” and allowing what I get to know to be the lead of my life, the lift of my heart, and light in the dark, goodness beyond what any words can actually describe finds its way to me - and in finding me, I get to use it in all the ways I can be of support in the finding of you as well as the knowing. It magnifies and multiplies, this goodness, each breath that takes me closer into the knowing of me and each bridge that expands me out into the knowing of you.

Know me.

we are the way of the truth and the light

know thyself. be true to thyself. and each other.

we, together, can do greater things than any singular me.

Know me.
and Know I love you
feel free to share all that comes up for you in the knowing, growing, and sowing of our Love.

keri

Does our resilience need a rest?

Tue, 01 Jun 2021 17:31:51 GMT

Does our resilience need a rest?

I have been contemplating this question for the last few weeks or so…

And the more I continue to examine, witness, and reflect,

My answer continuously becomes yes yes yes,

Yes, our resilience absolutely needs a rest...

Resilience is such a catalyst to change and transformation - it is the byproduct of learning to struggle and learning to struggle well. It is the friction of our lives, moments, and growth - using the rough inner & outer edges of experience to sand down and smooth out all the barriers and blockages that keep us separated from our own sacred truth within:

our soul, our light, our love.

But,

If we are constantly in the struggle -

Which lets be real, yall, most of us are -

Where is the room to rest?

Where are the resources to be well?

And when can we slow down long enough to savor all that these struggles of ours are making?

More and more and more lately I see this word, RESILIENCE on shiny display as though it is some badge of honor like, yay! look at you struggling over there! You got this! We got this! And those are all truths I do believe in and hold so tenderly (we do got this, duh!) We are resilient! As hell! But, if we are only constantly enmeshed in the struggle, where is the room for processing the processes we are in?

I believe in sustainable and sacred solutions.

And if I keep pushing my foot down on the gas throttle of my life -

While also witnessing my other foot holding down the brake (the space where our tension and traumas build up and keep us frozen or in fright) - Welp, kids, I ain't gonna get far in my efforts and I am gonna feel the exhaustion…

Can you relate???

My math mind takes me into the equation of a + b = c; where a is the struggle and b is the space of learning to do it well (and be well all in the same) and c is our product, our resilience, brought to us by moving through the mountains and moments and miles that ask so much of us to not give up or in, but to continue through and on -

And continue we will.

We know we can get through the mud because the mud is what we know…

When do we get to know the lotus?

When do we get to radiate out the light?

When can we rest with our resilience?

Instead of always having to create it?

We get so caught up in the struggle that we begin to forget we have a choice of anything else.

We lose sight of the space and ground where we don't need to push or prove a damn thing -

We can just be -

As we are -

Where we are -

And rest within the resilience that is already here and soften and see the strengths we each have already made and hold.

Resilient AF, yall, Resilient AF!

And there's still so much more to us all...

Are we able to slow down enough-

Soften just enough -

To feel into the radiance that exists without force or friction or false promises…

The sacred space of solutions settled right in the center of your own existence…

Waiting to be found

Waiting to be freed...

Can we stop getting stuck in the struggle?

And land gently back into the light of our stories magick and making?

Can we celebrate our rest as much (if not more!) than our resilience?

Can we align with an energy that moves us through suffering,

Stagnation,

And separation?

Back into the space where our bliss, beauty, and belonging just BE?

My heart and my spirit softly whispers:

Yes yes yes yes yes

We can.

And we must.

The question now becomes one of will…

And although I do not know much,

I do know that when we have the willingness to wake up,

Illuminate beyond the darkness of defeat,

And rise into the reset of a new day...

Well beautiful people,

There is always,

always,

always a way.

So may we find our way -

With the least amount of struggle -

And the most amount of joy.

Integral ingredients include care, rest, resources, and support.

May we speak into existence the ingredients needed to ensure this precious space where our will,

Our wisdom,

Our way through,

Shines as bright as 1,000 suns -

Without struggle

Without separation

Without a single ounce of stuck-

I feel our fullness is waiting…

(and has been for quite some time)

Waiting for us to slow down,

Waiting for us to sense into what it is we need to do to restore,

Replete,

Remember,

And regain the capacity,

Creativity,

And compassion to give yourself (mind / body / soul) all you need

And to graciously pour that back into our people,

Planet,

Pauses,

And Pursuits of peace and purpose.

Isn't that what our resilience is all about?

6 in. Infinity to Go.

Tue, 02 Mar 2021 18:24:59 GMT

Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, Destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end…

Thank you, Warriors!

Thank you, community!

Thank you, Dear Divine Resilience!

Yesterday, we greeted March 2021…

6 years ago - I took ownership and leadership of A8 -

To this day,

One of the greatest and bravest decisions of my life…

And today,

I awake to the reality

That this chapter of 105 W. Wackerly -

And all that was housed, healed and home through our doors -

Is complete...

And if I hadn't already had this deep breaking…

BIG LOSS…

Worldly weight of responsibility and accountability on my shoulders, psyche and soul -

Welp…

I probably wouldn't feel this trusting…

This hopeful…

This free…

105 was an intersection of sorts -

It allowed me to find me -

And be me -

And heal me -

And see me -

And save me -

All of which allowing me to become closer and closer to each of you…

The resurrection of my soul happened through those doors -

And all the ground and goodness that held me…

We came together -

And I feel the magick made was not just getting closer to ourselves -

But how this mutual capacity, care and connection allowed us to find and see one another.

We each took on the journey of self discovery -

Internal investigation -

And whether it be miles, flows or shared silence -

We shifted closer to our truths -

We shifted closer to ourselves -

We shifted - over and over and over again…

Resurrecting the compassion within each of us -

Seeing the soul - and holding the human.

I trust

And I know,

If what was before these 6 years led me here -

Then this moment - right here - with all the shifts - and all the breaking -

It will take me and you and us even further than can be imagined.

I never imagined this.

6 full years of joy and compromise and community -

We created a counterculture through those doors -

And I know and trust that goodness will not expire -

We are much too courageous for that!

Instead -

We keep shifting

We keep trusting

We keep making the space beyond spaces

The intersections continue -

And I thank all who I have been so honored to intersect with -

Such amazing and powerful stories and souls -

What an honor to bear witness to the humanity and divinity in us all -

Growing..

Learning..

Processing poison and pain into each of our Divine purpose

I witnessed lives change -

Mine included -

And change for the highest of all.

I witnessed lives living into their dharma -

Duty -

And dedicated to the Divine discipline to be free -

I witnessed the highs -

The lows -

The whoas -

And all the sweet and bitter spaces and phases of emotions in-between.

I witnessed love in action -

Selfless and soulful sacrifice -

I witnessed the calling up and in of ourselves and how we extended the invitation to as many others as we could.

What blessings

What abundance

What beauty

Thank you dear community - thank you.

I want you to know this is not finished -

How could it be?

We still have such great work to do…

Yet -

This chapter -

Is complete.

I am so blessed to be where I am today -

Even as it all spaces out and freely fades away…

If we created this is 6 short years -

Imagine all that can come next…

Angel number 7 tells of a beneficial time - where the obstacles are welcomed and the success is realized - where we each willingly step out of our comfort zones in order to further develop our gifts on all levels - inspiring ourselves and all others to continue on with our hearts leading and aligning the way through to freedom,

wholeness,

fullness and truth...

As we take on our 7th cycle around the bright & beautiful sun -

Shifting sacredly with every breath -

Please remember this Dear Warriors,

We are not finished & this is not complete -

We are in the space of sweet-in-between…

And there is so much LOVE right here -

With and for you - with and for us all.

I love you so very much.

Stay tuned for what awaits

And dream the most impossible dreams -

see it

taste it

BE IT.

and trust and know,

I look forward to being there with you -

Always,

so much love,

so much gratitude,

so much honor - humility and light,

keri

Forgiveness + Fragility

Thu, 29 Oct 2020 15:59:27 GMT

Today, I write to you to share with you 2 of the most sacred lessons my Soul continues to learn:
Forgiveness + Fragility

For most of my life I was living into the assumption that everyone has the right to have…

Decency.
Dignity.
Democracy.

All ours to hold -

And my parents did a really good job at painting this picture for me -
Yet,
Where I land today is the testament and by-product of learning and unlearning my assumptions are anything but true.

The shift of my life and the learning of hard and deep soul lessons began the moment I started questioning everything and allowed curiosity (and at the time some small sacred drops of compassion) to guide me through the mirage of all that seemed so terrifying...

It began the moment I faced my dad with his last and final breaths - my last words to him on this earth, “You are a fucking asshole” and leaving him soulless and soon to be lifeless in our home.

It began the moment I knew something was off and wrong - I could feel it - my intuition calling me to wake up and see the misalignment outside of me and urging me to find my way through.

It began the moment I stopped coloring inside the lines of illusion - being the “keri” everyone thought they wanted and needed me to be - and started holding my life a little more sacredly - a little more tenderly - a little more with the absoluteness of all this can and will end… and the need to knowing HOW all of this can be so true and untrue...

Combustion is a reaction.

And my parents story is the reaction to the many fables and foes of the reality of the world we live in - at least in this now - my greatest intention to change this - ambitious work - Soul work - and I never would be able to be as close to this deep knowing of “I can and I will” without the fragility of their loss fused with the absolute horrendousness of what brought us here; what brought me here.

Shame casts a shadow and a spell on each of us.
We see the choices we’ve made and disregard the circumstance that brought us there.
We judge ourselves - and each other - based on our worst mistakes and lose sight of all the goodness and gentleness and grace that is our true essence- our true nature…

We forget who we truly are and start to conform into the shapes and silence of what our culture tells us we can be. Who is wrong. And who is right. Who is worthy. And who is not. We lose sight of the innocence deep within us and start to fall into the traps we’ve made for ourselves and each other. These energies are intense and damaging. We lose sight of the Divinity and become judgemental of the human.

I wish I had focused more on their light.
I wish I had the patience to pause and be with them in their pain.
I wish for so much more…

Shame suffocates our light and creates an illusion that we are wrong/bad/unrepairable in any capacity… ego edges that confine us into our own madness and “badness” - we get stuck - we get lost - we get hopeless in the despair of our own making…

And as if that is not enough to go up against,
our current culture reinforces the stakes and shames in our suffering.
Making it almost impossible to heal -
Impossible to be heard -
Impossible to be able to bring into light all that which we have tried and tried and tried to run from and hide.

I’ve lived it. I’ve seen it. I’ve been doing my absolute best to shine as much light as I can on all the ways shame shows up in my story - my cells - and my mindsets.

There was so much anger targeted at my dad - and yes, rightfully so to some degree - and some still choose to hold this anger in their cells and stories and bones - yet, for me, one of the easiest things for me was choosing to forgive them both and in that choice my horizon began to broaden and my perspective began to heighten -

I was led to letters and songs and pictures and places showing me their humanness - showing me more to their stories than I ever was told as their daughter - showing me their love in ways I had yet to witness. Beautiful. Timeless. And Oh so very True.

I began seeing them as human.
And how in their humanness - they were flawed.
And then I got curious: what caused these “flaws”?
What in their story led them to this/ led us to this?

I got curious about their efforts. The money - the time - the arguments and energy - to get “help” - to receive support - the trust and power they placed outside of them time and time again only to fall back into the societal woes and lows of what it means to be the ones who do not get to have.

We are worthy.
Yet, this unworthiness still lives deep within our DNA.
It did not begin there -
It was placed there -
Due to the prejudice,
The bias,
The harm,
The hate,
For ourselves and towards each other -
It is there weaved within our stories -
I see it now and my work again is untangling this enmeshed web of lies.

We are worthy.

The world has yet to believe so.

And as my compassion grew -
So did my curiosity -
And so did the un-understanding of others.
Man oh man does misery enjoy company.
And it would have been easy to get lost in the loss -
The pain -
The high and heavy emotions of hatred and anger and rage for this loss.
My eyes and soul saw what that does to people -
And I couldn't land there - too toxic - too hot - too suffocating for me -
And that made people angry - they did not understand my choices - they did not understand my pull towards something better and brighter awaiting me through this pain.

Like my choice to have a memorial for my dad and to honor my dad and hold space for who it is he was beyond the labels of murdered, alcoholic, mentally ill, and all else that comes with being a brown man in this world.

I honored my soul.
And honored his as well.

And don't know if I would have ever had that strong absolute without this absolute pain.

The hole in my heart opened up my mind and I again began getting really curious as to why and what led us here.

Unhealed trauma.
Un-held truths.
Unfair conditionings.
The unfairness of our systems.
The biases placed on people who are harmed.
All the ways we get trapped.

I read once that when children are abused by their parents they dont grow up hating their parents, they grow up hating themselves. We learn it early - this ability to cut off the mutual pour of love and forgiveness and space to be and breathe as we are. We learn it early - the ways to punish ourselves - silently and outloud - we learn it early - the lie of unworthiness - and we learn it in a million different ways on a million different days.

We learn it early - all the ways we continue to repeat the harm.

These shadows and imprints of the ways in which we are choiceless in our harm and unsupported in our healing live on and on and on until we finally have the support and space to face them.

I know my parents faced many demons in their lives. And they came out victoriously. For the most part, me and my brother had so much more than them - we had stability - we had food and clothes and shelter and love - we had 2 parents who would sacrifice everything so we could have.

And it’s when I start to gather up all the parts and pieces of this experience of life I hold again and again the sacredness of their sacrifice and in hopes that maybe just maybe their babies - me - could have a better chance at a decent and dignified life.

Forgiving my dad was one of the easiest decisions I could ever make.
I saw him - and see him - as the child who just wanted to belong- only wanted to be loved - only wanted for things to be simple and sacred and sweet.

I feel you dad.
And that is all I want too.

Forgiving the world though… our current culture… our current conditioning… that on the other hand is my greatest practice. And I am so thankful my pain led me to this practice - because without it - I do not think I would have ever felt and found the ground - I would never have had the courage and compassion to plant my feet and continue on this journey that is my life. I would not have the strength to keep on questioning this existence all in hope of returning to our humanity - our essence - our love.

To forgive all is to understand all.

Today, I leverage that practice of compassion and curiosity to you.

Nothing is guaranteed.
Nothing is forever -
Well,
Besides our love -
But other than that,
Everything will come
And everything will go.

May we not get lost in the illusions or stuck in the confines of the cracks -
May we persist with the purpose of resolving that which holds us back and repairing all that which continues to harm.
May we be the ones who choose to forgive what is behind us so we can begin to create a more understanding and loving and compassionate life ahead for all of us.

I love you all and thank you for your light and life -
We are the ones - we are the ones - we are the ones,

keri

Learning to Love /// unlearning to harm

Sat, 17 Oct 2020 22:31:15 GMT

Life.

What a wild adventure it’s been.

And in this moment where more and more continue to lose their life to a great deal of injustices -

I am just beginning to recognize the privilege and blessing that I get to heal and feel into mine.

And what I am finding are things I have always known -

Yet,

I purposefully and un/intentionally have tried to forget -

suppress -

silence -

even sometimes shame -

my unique quirks , sensitivities, and joys -

what I held once as precious gems,

have been forged deep underground hidden in disgrace in my cells, habits and responses -

due to the responses / reactions and judgments / unfulfilled expectations of others.

When I felt unaccepted / unheard / unseen / harmed -

I found/find ways to numb out -

Dissociate -

Dissect -

Deplete -

Make me as small as possible...

Doing all I could to get space in between the ways in which this world made me feel and witness unjust discomfort-

who can relate???

I used to go outside of myself in so many ways -

believing the inward direction was too much,

too bad,

too dark,

too defeated...

Oh, how things do change.

Oh, how we can evolve.

I get to heal that girl today and it is pretty incredible.

And I only could heal that girl today by building my resilience through the discomfort -

the mud -

suffering -

mistakes ...

failures...

losses...

the harm -

oh man I have caused and created chaos and harm -

I recognize that -

and continue to.

That's the work.

That's the healing.

and that's the thing,

it's possible and ripples outward into infinite directions.

Where I am today is a testament of the ground work of being committed to calling out your bullshit and being okay with accepting others may not be ready to do the same - breath in and breath out. It aint easy. yet - always worth it.

Which is why we practice,

Which is why I choose to practice - day in and day out trying to strive for balance in a very unbalanced world-

Striving to stay compassionate, honest, open, willing, aligned...

It's hard.

Really,

really,

hard.

yet again -

possible.

and I think that's the brilliance to it all -

the balance we seek-

the acceptance we are owed and worth -

the abundant ground of grace holding us all -

is possible -

so freaking possible!

If we are willing -

to stick out the despair and defeat -

defy the discomfort as well as the odds -

If we lead with the opening of our hearts -

All is possible.

And my healing is teaching me just that,

that magick of our own deep inner knowing that is there waiting to be found -

waiting to be received -

waiting to be remembered.

And that's what I have been doing these last 7 months,

remembering.

Coming in.

Accepting myself.

Finding my Soul's calling.

Evolving as the world feels as though it is on fire.

It kind of is ...

Stifling...

Suffocating...

So I breathe.

And call in my Highest Self.

These last 7 months continue to teach me so much about my own humanity through my own insecurities and scarcities - the limits placed upon myself both voluntarily and involuntarily. I am also noticing how all that stuff I used to label as "baggage" actually contributed to some of my most unique and authentic gifts -

the ways in which I create my expression of my experience -

all the ways in which my suffering exposed me to the matriarchal march of my own healing heart's rhythms and beats.

A calling forth with a calling in.

It is possible.

And It is happening.

A constant continuous challenge of learning to love all the ways in which I exist and am able to express my existence

as well as unlearning all the ways I harm myself for taking up my birth-righted space and breath.

I am allowing myself to trust myself again.

and it's beautiful.

And I am grateful.

And recognize the trust you place in me -

and I want you to know,

I am here.

Evolving.

( with you )

I am evolving. And it hasn't been neat or organized or held to any degree of expectations along the way. It has been authentic. And uncomfortable and confusing. A fusion of Divine guidance and my effort, my will, my hope as the lead for something better,

Something bigger,

Something that can hold us all where we are with accountability as well as grace -

And forgiveness.

So much forgiveness.

We are going to need it as we continue to wake up from the self inflicted amnesia and ways we have kept pushing our square pegs into round holes.

They’re not for us.

Never have been

Never will be.

And that’s okay.

I don't want to be confined to any edges - and invite you to consider the same idea,

a Vision,

a Dream,

where all is possible.

We know it is possible.

Now may we put in the effort,

elbow grease,

and ride the ebbs and flows

so It may come true.

It will come true.

I am learning to celebrate the ways I am so different.

The ways I cannot march to another’s drum.

Only mine.

And it’s more of a dance -

A flow -

A feeling -

That I have forgotten for so long.

Too fuckin long…

But…

Not anymore.

Culture, Conditions and circumstance - you tried…

But you do not steer this ship.

I do.

infinite light and infinite love as we continue on remembering who it is we are and who it is we are to one another - one brave and loving breath at a time,

keri

what time.

Tue, 15 Sep 2020 19:54:51 GMT

I’m just getting in from a walk outside with my pups/kids Lola & Carlos and as we walked the fields behind our house I had the realization as I looked down at my left wrist, I haven't been wearing a watch for the last few weeks.

Where this used to freak me out - like, to the point where I would turn around and go home if I noticed I didn't have it - there was a complete sense of freedom as I became aware of just how much I do not need it and just how used to not having it I seemed to be.

I smiled as there was no way to measure the time -
And why did I need to know it anyway?
Was I in a rush?
Someplace else I need to be?
Nope.

I looked up at the sky wide eyed and open heart -
I am right where I am supposed to be.

And as I felt that truth resonate loudly and land in my heart and soul,
I also felt into this thought seeing the words so clearly in my mind:
What time.

Not so much a question,
More like a truth.

What time.

This message/thought sparked my curiosity and I began to think about this concept of time and how I/we allow it to direct and dictate our days -
and I would have allowed it to,
especially in that moment as I looked and landed on my wrist with no message of hurry up or we gotta go or anything that challenges my presence as well as everything in between.

Knowing time is what the clock reads - I am trying to do my work to live beyond it.
And in a weird, yet Divine way, my watch taking a poop on me about half way through Covid has been a small spark supporting my freedom of living beyond it. Beyond all the ways my ego and fear and culture have tried to push me or pull me outside of my own pace -
No more.
I can find my balance beyond it -
And,
That moment was my living proof.

It was almost at the same time I glanced down at my feet in the grass and spoke out loud:

Dear Divine,
I know nothing.
I only know your Love.

Words I say frequently and found when my life was challenged and compromised and changed in so many many many of ways. More than the loss of my parents. More than the veil of illusions being removed. More than the defeat of disappointment and deceit. More than my own personal Armageddon.

My transformation and transcendence through suffering and pain.

My own healing journey.

The mud that led and aligned me to our lotus.

The path of knowing nothing -

And being open to everything in the Divine Light.

(My miracle mantra before I even knew that was a thing)

As I could feel what it meant to live beyond the concept of time -
What time?
I also was reminded of all the other walks that preceded this one -
I know nothing.
Where I took my time with Lola and Los by my side -
I am safe.
Where we felt the grief in our bones and the ground under our feet -
Heal baby heal.
How each step built up my resistance to fear and shame and guilt and blame -
Don’t give up.
And learned to allow the light of the Divine to lead and align the way -
My gut the guide.
I found my way through the madness and turmoil and what felt like constant destruction -
All at the speed of trust and all on Divine time.

No time.
No rush.
No knowing.

And here I am again.

And where I could let it feel icky and sticky and tense and too much - been there, done that.
I am choosing to see it as the miracle it can Divinely be.
OR even better yet:
Already is!
Already has been!
Always will be!!!

That’s more like it!!!

Amidst all the loss -
All the pain -
All the ways in which there’s no going back to what was -
Constant constant constant change -
It can be frightening -
Or it can be freeing.

We get to choose.
And we choose where we place our power in a multitude of dimensions and ways - every single breath of every single day.

Does this support your freedom?
Or does this support your chains/cycles/patterns of pain?

I am so grateful for the discomfort that has led me to so much truth -
so much possibility -
so much presence -
and so many gifts.

I choose peace as my anchor and love as my pace.
I don't know where I'm going.
I don't know what I am doing.
I don't know a bam thing -

and yet I know I am blessed,
I am abundant,
I am willing,
I am open
and I have everything I need to continue to rise through all that wants to keep my stuck, struck and down.

And so do you.

Take your time out there, kids. I love you. I appreciate you. I am excited to see where all our not knowing takes us. I will meet you there - happy, healthy and so very very free,

keri

to See.

Tue, 18 Aug 2020 20:53:44 GMT

We see what we want to see
and the world's gravity of oppression has caused us to see each other with edges and ill intent.

We see what we want to see.
And fear tends to be our main lens.
We fear what we may lose -
Instead of what could be gained -
We fear what we don't know -
Instead of what we could begin to understand.

I like to imagine better -
More possible -
More aligned to the path of liberation and light and love -

So I wonder,
What would happen If we could learn to soften the edges,
The gaze,
The thoughts,
The glares,
And see each other for who it is we truly are -
Not the way the world has caused you to see some reflection of what we want to see -
The enemy -
The foe -
The parts and pieces that do not belong -
And we bypass the ally
And opportunity to expand.

I get it.

I understand and dont understand all at the same time.

Past impressions,
Dominant culture,
Unhealed Trauma,
Leadership with ill intention living outloud and celebrated,
Resistance to BLM,
Loss without space to grieve,
Manipulation,
Groundlessness,
Greed,
Stories suppressed, unheard, and forget -
And so many unfortunate and unjust moments in between.

There is great pain here.

How could there not be?

And it lands In our bodies.
Which limits our minds.
And narrows our focus.

No separation.

And until these unjust and unfair pains are held tenderly,
The thorns removed -
The wounds healed -
The relationships repaired -
And our bias and beliefs are challenged with that mad and rad liberation of love,
And we see each other -
And Hear each other -
Beyond what we think it is we want to see -
And see the living breathing being in front of our eyes -
And all the story and struggle and sacredness pulsating through our veins -

Welp ,

We will continue to see what our pain and past impressions wants us to see,

And bypass all that freeing and spacious “big sky” picture of whats possible when we come together into union and liberation.

I tend to be Pollyanna and hold this picture of paradise close to my eyes and heart.
I see it and feel it and want it more than anything.
It is why I do the work I do and sit in my shit as much as I can.
And challenge myself to be better.
Not just for the single lens focus of me,
But for the multidimensional focus of all that is possible when we begin to see each other and ourselves with a little more clarity,
And a little more compassion,
And a little more love.

I feel and truly believe that is what shifts our perspective and opens our mindsets into seeing all that is is we truly need to see.

Today, I needed to see myself from another lens.
I did not ask for this gift of great discomfort and challenge,
Yet it was given to me -
So I receive it,
And receive it gratefully.
I was given an opportunity to check in with accountability,
lean in to understand,
and see beyond what my intentions allow me to see myself as.

I was given an opportunity to know myself in a way I haven't truly held before.
To know my presence,
To know my pace,
To know whats possible when we call each other in and instead of out -
Mutually.

I was challenged in a way that gives me growth -
and I am thankful for that.
I needed to see something I wasn't seeing.
But I do now. And where I may or may not agree,
It doesn't matter i can begin to understand myself and all who walk this world with me through forgiveness -

So I pour it in and share it out -

Every direction -
Every dimension -
To Everyone
and everything.

I forgive the world for making us enemies and teaching us to go against our brother and sisters. I forgive the illusion of separation and the obstacles it creates.

I forgive myself for not knowing what I didn't know when I didn't know it.
My ignorance. My hypocrisies. And the ignorance and disturbances I have created.

I forgive our people for calling out when we could call in.
We have been canceled - ceased - separated - suppressed - in many ways teaching us to forget who it is we are and who it is we are to each other.

I forgive so I can see.
Beyond the mud -
Beyond the limits -
Beyond the separation -

There's an abundance awaiting.
Liberation
S A M A D H I

Can you see it?
Can you imagine it?
Can it please possibly be?

I see it.
I feel it.
and it reminds me I still have great work to day and I can do this work knowing where it leads.

We continue on -
No effort goes wasted -
May we forgive -
May we remember -
May we see all that we need to see,

Light and love,
keri

I must.

Wed, 05 Aug 2020 21:35:57 GMT

I must share truth.

Which means I must be truthful.

with myself.

and with the World.

What do I need?

What does the world need?

How do I feel?

How does the world feel?

Where is my focus?

Where is the world's focus?

Questions that seem to be answered only by more questions…

sacredly simple and synchronized questions

that keep me curious and cautious

and as compassionate as possible

as I move at the speed of trust and keeping shining light on truth

to seek out more truth

as I find and feel my way through all the moments and all the madness:

What am I doing?

and why am I doing it?

What is a must?

and what is a must not?

(insert giant sigh and smile... ahhh the work the effort that does not go wasted)

The world we live in loves to keep us busy and distracted.

Exhausted.

Under supported.

and way over s t r e t c h e d.

It’s truth.

and we must stay with truth.

No matter how uncomfortable it may be.

Otherwise it is UN-truth:

A’satya

and How many of us are doing that right now -

Staying in the space of untruth due to the familiarity

and avoiding the true truth due to the discomfort?

or keeping the senses closed off tightly to what is happening behind the privilege of choosing to see/taste/smell/hear/hold the pain?

How many of us right now are:

Bypassing our own comfort to extend it to another?

Numbing our pain?

Forgetting our voice?

Disconnected from who it is we truly are?

and who it is we are to one another?

Its Easy to do any time,

and especially now.

but this keeps us from the truth -

it keeps us from healing -

and I feel it is on purpose -

I know it is on purpose -

to keep us further from the center of our oneness and the center of solutions and possibility.

We are in a state of great shift and suck -

its true.

Trauma - racism - inequality -

and each of us grieving some sort of loss as we rebuild through this pandemic -

When there is so much gravity weighing on us we often forget we can rise beyond the pain and pressure -

We often forget that there's a bigger power that is cheering us on to choose differently -

and that there is a radical strength and power if we can keep our hearts open -

Especially when it is hard.

[ Open heart = Open mind ]

Everything here to teach us if we so allow.

the prerequisite: Stay with the discomfort.

We must.

These sensations of suffocation are reminders of truth -

Every discomfort holds lessons to be gained -

If we are willing to unlearn the comfort of comfort -

and learn to stay with discomfort -

Which leads to liberation -

Bliss -

Samadhi -

Ease -

The path of great discomfort leads us to the truest comfort:

Our Self our Centers each Other.

Does that make sense?

It’s okay if not.

But think about it:

When was the last time you were truly at comfort in your skin and heart and mind -

At ease?

Able to breathe freely?

Able to be authentically you ?

Able to focus and find the light on through?

and I hate to assume here,

But my guess is it's been awhile…

Which reminds me over and over again:

There is still great work to do -

and we need to do it
and we need each other -

We are not alone in this process that is process -

Divine beings having a very real and raw human experience -

And the responsibility is each ours:

Remember.

Repair.

Repeat.

We cannot give up.

We must be the truth.

Which takes me to this moment where I am sitting here and allowing the words to flow:

What matters, Keri,

What matters?

You and I matter.

Us.

and our ability to breathe.

and Be.

to know we are safe.

A part of and belong.

But are we safe?

and do we feel we belong?

I know some are and some are not.

I know some do and some do not.

This makes me uncomfortable.

Truly uncomfortable.

This idea
disguised as truth
of selection and singularity.

This clear distinction of who has and who does not.

I can't breathe there .

That space has taken so much from me

and so much from our world and people.

I choose collective.

I choose change.

I choose compassion.

Which means I must stay with the discomfort.

The deepness.

The darkness.

The vastness of all that have and has been forgotten -

Here,
yet alone.

It is purposefully painful.

Breathe keri breathe

I must hold the truth without holding my breath.

And isn't that a privilege these days?

To breathe and breathe freely.

I must breathe so I can see

The world must breathe so it can see

- and see clearly all that keeps taking my breath away

All that is taking so much life away.

This is an abundance world.

Have we forgotten the truth?

We must remember as we hold the conundrums,

complexities,

and vicious & virtuous cycles of expansion & contractions

tension & release

challenge to change -

I breathe into my that s p a c e.

I trust it.

It is truth.

and takes me to where I need to be.

even if it is uncomfortable.

It is the tool to unlearning all my conditioning of comfort and what I have accepted and what I could allow -

It is the vehicle to my soul -

My Truest Self -

and reminds me over and over again:

All are worthy

Of breath

Of comfort

Of life.

Of dignity

Ground

and Grace.

So -

What is it that I/we must do then?

I/we must see the conditioning and learning of ignorance and ingrained worthlessness -

I/we must see all the ways in which I/we live against the path of freedom and justice and truth -

I/we must see where our fear keep us frozen and our circumstance keeps us comfortable -

and uncomfortable.

can we stay?

Can we breathe?

Can we choose to be with it all?

In hopes of choosing & creating something that holds us all?

I must see when and where and why I am silent.

Where do I silence my discomfort and swallow my sacred rage -

I must keep reminding mySelf over and over and over again:

You are worthy of being heard.

You are worthy of sharing truth.

We all are.

We need our stories.

We need our struggles.

We need to shine light on all the shames.

The breaking through.

These pandemic months have been the most grounding and groundless moments of my life.

The conundrum always continues.

But the cycle must not.

And that's what I must do over and over again is break the cycles of ignorance and illusion that create shame and silence within me as well as all that is happening outside of me -

No Separation.

A calling in.

Never a calling out.

I must live into the remembering of who it is I am and the depth that I carry.

I must settle into my story and settle into my soul.

And listen to the truth that my traumas, tears and tenacity have given me:

My gifts found in the discomfort and dark.

I must see clearly so I can focus in to what is important:

Life

Liberty

Justice

Truth

Love

Belonging

All freely available if we allow ourselves to be free in exchange -

an unconditioning of conditions -

we can do it,

We Must.

It is what truly matters.

So much light and so much love and so much truth -

Shanti & Satya our lead and pace,

keri

Ps: this poem came first…

and then the blog

Let me know what you think

and if you are in agreement & alignment to what it is that is a must (love you).

We must breathe.

And breathe freely.